Ontario Municipal Human Resources Association

In public service, leadership isn’t just about policy, it’s about people. So, the ability to lead with empathy, self-awareness, and emotional agility isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Yet the importance of these so called “soft skills” is often misunderstood, undervalued or dismissed as intangible. Here’s the paradox: soft skills are often the hardest to master and their impact is backed by hard science.

Studies in neuroscience show that emotionally intelligent leaders are better at managing stress, making thoughtful decisions, and staying calm under pressure. They use empathy to build trust, regulate their emotions to handle conflict, and create stronger connections with their teams and communities. EI drives collaboration, innovation, and resilience and in public service, where complexity, diversity, and high-stakes decisions are the norm, these skills are essential. Because when it comes to leading people, soft skills aren’t soft at all, they’re the hardest-working tools in your leadership toolkit.

What Is Emotional Intelligence and Why It Matters

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, manage and influence emotions – your own and those of others. It involves several key skills, including self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, interpersonal skills and stress management.

We all have a “default mode”—our habitual ways of responding to strong emotions. That’s why self-awareness is a foundational EI skill. It’s about recognizing and naming your emotions, understanding their triggers, and noticing their impact on others. You can’t manage what you don’t recognize. But once you begin to understand how you feel and why, you can start making intentional choices and adopting strategies that support healthier, more effective responses that strengthen your personal and professional development.

How to Strengthen Your EI Skills

The good news? Emotional intelligence isn’t fixed. You can change your behaviors, shift your responses, and—as neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett puts it—become “architects of your emotions.” You can build a new default mode, one that helps you move through strong emotions with greater ease and clarity, so that you can lead in the way that you want. Here are a few ways to start:

1. Reflect on your EI skills. How do you typically:

• Show Up for Yourself (e.g. self-perception, assertiveness, self-regard)
  • What are some of the things I tell myself, especially when things are challenging? Do I prioritize my needs and well-being? How do I respond to failures or mistakes?

• Show Up for Others” (e.g. empathy, interpersonal relationships)
  • Do you I tend to jump into problem-solving/fix-it mode, or do I focus on listening and coaching? Do I acknowledge and validate how others are feeling?

• Respond to the World Around You (e.g. flexibility, problem-solving, stress tolerance)
  • What situations tend to make me feel uncomfortable? What are some of the things that I do when I’m under stress? (and do they help or hinder my responses?)

2. Use tools like the How We Feel app (free) to build emotional awareness and explore strategies

3. Explore programs like Healthy Minds (free app) to support mindfulness and emotional regulation.

4. Work with a coach and/or take an EQ-i assessment​ to gain deeper insight and personalized strategies.

Written by: Nadine Valk (EQi Certified Coach)